


protectors

by fabulousfairytales



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: But mostly fluff, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Baggage, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Spooning, i guess?? idk anymore lmao, post 17x08
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 20:35:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30145257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fabulousfairytales/pseuds/fabulousfairytales
Summary: Nico wasn't used to getting held. Levi wasn't used to do the holding.
Relationships: Nico Kim/Levi Schmitt
Comments: 6
Kudos: 55





	protectors

**Author's Note:**

> Heeelloooo! Guess what? New episode, new fic, woooow. I started writing this after seeing one of [crista's](http://glassesandkim.tumblr.com/) asks and then the lat episode did a number on me and now we're here. :)

When they first got together, Nico was always the big spoon. Of course he was, just look at him. His strong arms would cling around Levi, protecting him from any harm that would dare to come close. It’s been a while since he’s been in a relationship that entailed holding the other. He was severely touch-starved, so of course he enjoyed it a lot. 

There wasn’t much of a switch up until he lost Josh and went down a spiral of self-doubt. It was a numb couple of weeks for him in which he missed Levi so much it actually hurt. He couldn’t eat or sleep or even think without getting overwhelmed by the guilt that creeped up on him whenever he dared to take a break and relax. In addition, he also had to deal with the loneliness that stemmed from missing Levi. 

He could deal with one of these at a time, but the combination of both took a toll on his ability to get the rest that he so desperately needed. Instead of being numb, he felt angry. All the time. Angry at himself, the world, but mostly himself. 

One morning Link mentioned that he looked like a zombie and Nico couldn’t help but to agree. He had let himself go in his silent grief and realized that he couldn’t keep going on like this. As uncomfortable as he imagined it to be, Nico finally took matters into his own hands and sought out Levi in hopes to reconcile. He’s never been good at expressing his emotions, he couldn’t even be honest to himself about them, but for Levi, he tried to put his confusion and fear into words. As scary as it was, the possibility of losing Levi was much scarier. 

To Nico’s surprise, Levi not only wanted to work through this with him, he even took him home that night. It was the first time and in retrospect, Nico knew now that Levi would’ve never done this hadn’t he already planned to introduce Nico to his mother. 

Myrna Schmitt loved her son very much. Nico had heard about the backpack incident or the first time Levi slept over at his place without giving her a heads up. Somehow those stories weren’t enough to truly convey the amount of checking up on then she would do. Be it through text or in person. 

After Nico’s tears had dried up, TV shut off and Myrna had gone to bed hours ago, the two decided that it was time to go to sleep. It was that night, when for the first time in his life, Nico was held by someone ever since his parents stopped to do so. 

Before, Nico was the protector. The one doing the holding. The one making sure his partner is okay and feeling safe. 

He wasn’t used to being able to just be and let go of his worries as someone else did the work of having their fingers dance over his stomach or getting his neck and shoulders and back peppered with countless kisses. Nico used to be the one to do all these things. And usually, if somebody tried to do these things for him, he’d tell them to just not, as it made him uncomfortable. In reality, it just always felt more like an act of repayment instead of care. 

With Levi, however, it was different. When Levi scooted closer, Nico was about to turn around and wrap his arms around him as he usually would. But this time, Levi stopped him, gently pushing him back onto his side. Before Nico could even be disappointed at the rejection, his boyfriend’s arm already clung around his body, hand resting on Nico’s stomach, warm body pressed against Nico’s backside. His hold was stronger than Nico anticipated, yet it was just right. Just what he needed. 

Sometimes, Nico had fantasized about the logistics of being held. As a fairly tall person, he didn’t even dare to imagine finding someone willing to hold his gigantic self. The concept of anyone ever wanting to get close to him and it not being purely physical seemed so absurd, that he never let anyone close enough to even try. 

But then Levi did. And Nico didn’t stop him. Because he knew he couldn’t stop Levi from taking care of him. Loving him. 

Nico embraced being held by Levi, he actually even looked forward to it now. Never before had he felt so save and secure like he did in Levi’s arms.

“You’re really liking this, huh?” Levi asked on the night of Valentine’s Day. Their legs entangled, Nico’s hands resting over Levi’s that was on his stomach, lips slightly brushing Nico’s shoulder as Levi spoke. A kiss against his shoulder blade. His neck. Nico felt like he was melting away and Levi’s strong hold was the only thing keeping him together. 

It had been a heavy day. One of Levi’s long-term patients, Natasha, died after marrying the man she loved. Dr. Grey read Natasha’s vows as she wasn’t able to do so on her own anymore. The rest of the numerous doctors surrounding the couple held up their phones, displaying pictures of the stars as it had been Natasha’s wish to get married under them. 

Witnessing the wedding, left Nico with an undefined feeling. One that had him wanting to immediately go home and crawl into bed with Levi to hide from the rest of chaos in the world. So they did. 

The second the door to Nico’s apartment closed, they took off their jackets, shirts, pants. The two stumbled towards Nico’s bedroom as they exchanged needy, desperate kisses, the world around them forgotten as it was shut out by Nico’s door. 

Levi was good at holding him. And Nico liked to be held by him. Levi’s observation surprised him. Up until that night, he never really thought about actually liking being held by Levi. 

He thought he had been slick, pretending to have just fallen asleep quickly as an excuse to not turn around and switch positions. It’s not that he disliked being the big spoon. On the contrary, he loved it. It’s what he was used to. He was a phenomenal big spoon. But from time to time, he too enjoyed being held. 

“Hmm,” he hummed.

\- 

For all his life, Levi was protected from the world around him. His mom always had been his biggest supporter, always had his back. He never had to fight battles on his own. 

And that was the damn problem. 

Levi didn’t know how to stand up for himself, but he knew he had to learn how to. 

When he met Nico, suddenly a lot of things just clicked. Well, initially, his head was full of questions that needed answering, but the first time their lips met, it hit him like a wall of bricks, knocked the wind out of him. 

It’s like taking the first deep breath after running for way too long towards an unknown destination. He had found it without even knowing what he was looking for, but maybe that’s why he was able to keep going. All that mattered was that he found him. 

But just as sudden as he had found Nico, he lost him again. It was nothing new, he was used to rejection and he wasn’t the type of person to fight it. 

But this time around, he couldn’t just sit around and feel sorry for himself. This time, he wasn’t going to just let go and give up. He persisted and showed Nico that he wasn’t going to just use him for his self-exploration. He knew that he liked guys, and more importantly, that he felt this indescribable connection to Nico. 

Later that night, Nico took him home and Levi never felt as comfortable as he did in Nico’s arms. With himself and the world that in this moment consisted of only Nico’s arms wrapped around his body. 

Levi learned quick that getting together wasn’t always the hardest part in a relationship. He had to learn about the ins and outs of communication with your partner and it turned out that Nico wasn’t that great at it either. Still wasn’t. But they were both trying. 

The first time Levi wrapped his arms around Nico, scooting closer until his body pressed against Nico’s back, he wasn’t quite sure if he even did it right. He quickly found out that he did though, evident from his boyfriend’s fake sleeping noises Nico produced that would later morph into his real soft snores and movements. Levi knew all the noises Nico made. He could easily tell when his boyfriend was really sleeping and when he was just pretending to. Levi didn’t mind. He found it endearing, even. 

In fact, Levi liked being the protector. He’s so used to being babied by his mother. He liked getting treated like a person, a man, by Nico. With just a look, a hidden smirk, a small touch, he could rile up Nico enough that barely 20 seconds later he was pressed against a mattress with their tongues pushing into the other’s mouths while needy hands pulled off the annoying fabric that separated them. 

For the entirety of his life, Levi hadn’t know that he held such power. Until he met Nico. 

He didn’t know a lot of things about himself until he met Nico. 

Breaking up with him felt like he was losing a part of himself. 

\- 

Suggesting Levi to engage in activities to relieve stress sounded like a dumb idea even before it left his mouth. Nico’s filter must’ve been turned off because this incredibly ridiculous thought had left immediately the second his brain cells conjured it up. 

He didn’t realize the full effect of it until he found himself in Levi’s arms in an on-call room, sweaty bodies touching with Levi’s arm loosely wrapped around him. It really hit him how much he fucked up when Levi’s lips brushed his neck and Nico wanted the earth to stop so they could stay like this forever. 

For Nico, one touch was the way that made him feel truly loved. All he thought about was to find a way to be near Levi again. Because being lonely in a pandemic sucked. Being without Levi sucked. 

His big old masterplan of being less lonely had backfired massively, because this was worse than not being with him. This was being near him, but knowing it’s only physical. The exact thing that he never wanted for them. This didn’t turn out the way it was supposed to be. Not at all. 

But yet, his plan kinda worked. 

Somehow, Levi let him back in. Somehow, they ended up in Levi’s bed, the foldable couch in Jo’s apartment. Later, they ended up in Nico’s bed, Levi’s arms wrapped around him as he nuzzled his hair, early sunlight filling the room. 

Nico didn’t question any of it. He was just glad that the numbness was finally slowly leaving him. 

With a tired smile on his lips, he intertwined his fingers with Levi’s and closed his eyes. It was mornings like this, that made it all worth it in the end. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! if you enjoyed it, I'd be very happy if you left a comment.
> 
> You can also find me on tumblr as [orthoglasses](http://orthoglasses.tumblr.com/)!


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